Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
