he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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