Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
