That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
