i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize