Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
false alarm, still single
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