I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
