Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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