Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
