Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
