I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
