i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
