So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
