i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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