If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
