it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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