I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't deserve a penis
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
