she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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