reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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