I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
