This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
