So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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