everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
