I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
