You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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