She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
