your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
