we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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