Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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