i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
