I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
