just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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