My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
