through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
