Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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