i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
