3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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