Yo dont text me then not text me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
