I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
