at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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