I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
