Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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