the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
