When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
