I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
