I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize