Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You can't special order awesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize