did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
