I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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