Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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