There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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