is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
