Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize