im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
