I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
