Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
