I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
