i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
