I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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