my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
