Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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