I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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