I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
