the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
