Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The adults are the big ones right?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
